Tooth fairy stole my wallet in the night.

His breath stunk of cheap beer as he opened the Toyota repair manual to preach to the dumb masses before him. Money and lots of it was the hidden goal of todays sermon. No better way than to sucker the masses with a homeless puppy and Clydesdale horse fantasy story. Hell with this story he probably could sell shit beer in a can on super-bowl Sunday.
The church assistant carried a dirty box toward the podium and the preacher pulled out a dirty puppy that had a bad case of the fleas. Another assistant led a broken down Clydesdale horse down the center of the church toward the podium. The horse was bought at the local glue factory for 10 bucks.

Love. “Love knows no bounds,” the preacher spit at the congregation. This church has the obligation to defend love. The church assistant fed the horse a carrot and the preacher slipped the puppy an artificial flavored chicken snack. The Clydesdale horse stretched out his neck and sniffed the puppy. Resembling a kiss, the congregation sat hypnotized by this innocence love of horse and puppy.

Sensing opportunity the preacher gave the signal to pass the offering basket. Both these animals face legal death if we do not give with our hearts today. The offering baskets filled with cold hard cash immediately.

A beer executive sat in the congregation sobbing and wiping his tears with a golden embroidered handkerchief.

Then the beer executive had a crazy marketing idea. “It just might work,” he thought to himself.

Johnny sat in the gutter. The king of drunks.